Thursday, September 23, 2010

Review: Mass Effect 2 DLC Lair of the Shadow Broker (warning for minor spoilers)


TO: All employees
FROM: The Shadow Broker
RE: Lair

Greetings to all personnel. As of late, I have received a large number of emails and memos from employees wishing to comment on the current administration of my lair as well as the recent industry competition from one Dr. Liara T'Soni. In the interest of fair disclosure, I felt it necessary to lay out some of my recent business decisions as well as address some of the comments and complaints I have received.

Firstly, it is my sincerest pleasure to welcome our latest employee, Miss Tela Vasir. She brings some much-needed Vanguard experience to our organization. While you may have encountered several freelancers in Illium and other parts who called themselves "Vanguards", you will have noticed a rather boring dependence on biotic blasts and barriers and a distinct lack of Biotic Charge; it seems that false advertising is alive and well in the mercenary business! With Tela Vasir, however, I have found a master of Vanguard techniques such as charging and teleporting, setting her up to be one of the best boss battles in the history of the Mass Effect franchise... er, I mean, an excellent addition to our team.

Secondly, after reviewing personnel reports after the latest series of missions, it has become clear to me that many employees are becoming entirely too complacent with narrow passageways filled with chest-high walls. While this may be acceptable to previous mercenary employers, I require my men to broaden their environmental expertise. My next mission, for example, may require the following:
1) assassination attempts and espionage in a high-class asari apartment
2) search and rescue in the aftermath of a third floor corporate bombing
3) high speed chases in the skies of Illium while enduring hilarious backseat driver banter
4) hostage situations in luxurious adult hotels named after unsavory bits of asari anatomy
5) patrolling the exterior of my giant floating lightning fortress of doom

Please take particular note of numbers 3 and 5. In regards to the former, I am pleased to report that employee surveys have indicated that Illium traffic is well suited for, and I quote, "a kickass driving sequence that drives home how big the cities of Illium truly are while providing plenty of great character moments for Shepard and Liara."

In regards to the latter (i.e. my titular Lair), several employees have complained about poor working conditions. According to the complaints, climbing around on the outside of a huge spaceship orbiting within a permanent lightning storm is somehow considered a hazardous work environment, if an atmospheric one. One letter of complaint made an odd comparison to "echoing the epic finale of ME1 where Shepard and co. had to climb the Citadel Tower" while another pointed out that HR's strategy of throwing waves of soldiers at potential invaders did not seem to solve the problem and in fact resulted in, "a lot of nailbiting followed by many many merc deaths." For those that have complained, let me assure you that if you are not satisfied with working on my floating fortress of thunderstorms, I am more than happy to help you disembark in a very quick manner.

Lastly, many have questioned the current status of Liara T'Soni and her erstwhile friendship/relationship with Commander Shepard. From what my sources indicate, recent dialog between them has been, "heartfelt, funny, and extremely well written." Dr. T'Soni has shown remarkable depth as well as wry humor and hints of a mature version of her old self. She has also proven to be an excellent team member for Shepard. Employees with a romantic streak will be pleased to hear that one conversation held in Shepard's quarters holds much promise for a deeper relationship and a lasting friendship.

In short, while I understand that working conditions are not perfect - several people have commented that my origins are questionable, and a few graphical glitches were noticed - I feel confident that this organization delivers challenging combat, high-quality writing, and an amazing DLC experience, perhaps the best to date. I eagerly suggest that all current and past fans of the ME franchise take advantage of our offerings.

Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. I am not really an ME person, but this makes me want to finally buy the game and start. XD